With a few simple words, my friend beautifully shifted the focus of the moment so I could see that it wasn’t me that was important-it was the message, my offering. While this is normal, it’s also ego-focused, and that intense self-awareness can drown out the message and hinder connection. When we find ourselves in the position of conveying ideas to others (whether on stage, in a meeting, or during a conversation) we can feel pressure to convince people to agree with us or even to like us. She shared that when we’re on stage, we often think of ourselves as separate and distant from the audience, when in reality, the stage, even in its very shape, is like an outstretched hand-an offering to those listening. Instead, it was about offering a message to support a world that Sophie and Noah could grow up in-a world in which they would feel honored and seen. She reminded me that this moment wasn’t about me talking “to” people from the TED stage.
Then I should find another seat and imagine the same for my son, Noah. In this recording, she suggested that as I walked onto the stage, I should find a seat in the audience and imagine my daughter, Sophie, sitting there. She is an award-winning director and playwright who has supported me in many ways, but one of the most impactful is a mindfulness exercise she recorded for me to listen to on my way from my hotel to the TED stage. You can imagine how grateful I was to have my oldest friend (whom I’ve known since I was three years old) guide me before I gave my TED talk. I would often feel so out of my depth, like an imposter, asking myself things like, “What right do I have to do this?” I used to get so nervous before speaking events that I would be physically ill before giving a talk to a room of even ten people. When I was preparing for my TED Talk, I had an experience with a dear friend that profoundly altered both the way I come to speaking events and the way I think about connecting and gathering. While the holidays can be a joyous time, it can also be one of conflict or challenge. They shape our relationships, wellbeing, organizations, communities-everything that matters. Thank you for being part of this revolution of the heart-a revolution that recognizes that human skills aren’t “soft,” they’re essential. This week many Americans will be celebrating Thanksgiving and much of the world will transition into the holiday season.Īs we move into this time, I am filled with gratitude that more than 10 million people have viewed my TED Talk.
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